I just don't know what to think anymore. I know that I'm smart. I know that I'm moderately attractive. I know that I've got a great personality, and that I'm fun to be around. I know that I'm an honest and caring person. I know I'd make a good wife, to the right man. These things I know...
What I don't know is why I have such an overwhelming propensity for either heart-wrenching, soul-crushing "love" affairs with men who turn out to be complete liars and totally unavailable emotionally, or relationships where I feel imprisoned by my partner's insecurities and smothered by their "love" which is completely unrequited.
It's been about twenty years since my "first love", so I've had plenty of relationship experience.
You would think that I would know by now what was best for me, and what to steer clear of...
You would think....
Why is there no happy medium. Why do I feel like I need to drop my expectations if I ever want a chance at marriage. I don't want perfection. I don't need perfection. I just want someone to love me the way that I love them. I expect that my man should respect me, and not treat me like an object or possession. I expect that my man wouldn't lie to me or betray me, because that's not what you do to someone you love. Are these unreachable, unreasonable demands? Am I just completely ridiculous in my belief in a relationship actually being a partnership. A well-oiled, well loved motor. Or like two gears on a clock, working together, matching the push and pull of life's unknown trials and tribulations.
I'm sad to admit that I suffered from "The Cinderella Complex" in my youth, as do most young women. I so wanted to believe that I would run into a handsome gentleman with a heart of gold, and we would fall madly in love, get married and he would honor and respect me forever.
My early education to the contrary may have been a blessing in the long run, but it definitely has felt like an undue curse. I compare my chances of "happily ever after" to my chances of winning the Lotto, which I don't even play....
So it must just be me, right? I must be incapable of attracting my perfect match. My wiring has a glitch, and my picker is broken. Yes, I just said my picker was broken. I have to give credit to the observer of that fact, to my dear friend Peggy, whose wise words struck a chord deep in my soul, and get referenced audaciously and with great pride.....
I may never meet my Mr. Right, but I know one thing, I've known a lot of someone else's. Good luck single ladies, and do as they did in Roman times. Don't be the slaves, be the lions. ;-)
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